Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
