my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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