On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
