We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
