Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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