I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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