Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
