Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
