if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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