Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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