He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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