dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
