Your face is a jimmy john
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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