Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
