dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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