I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
