You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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