My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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