kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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