Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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