If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
