I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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