in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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