can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
