ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
