words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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