do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
