my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
