my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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