My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
