i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
