fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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