i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
