I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
