What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
