2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and she was petting her beer can
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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