Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
