So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
