I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
