Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
