He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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