I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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