She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
