I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
