I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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