There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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