I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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