Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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