I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
