dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
