What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Bring me that man meat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
