My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize