alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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