Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
