Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
