How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think my moral compass just broke
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
True college students do jello shots in the library
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
