Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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