My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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