I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
