She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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