i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
