You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
