I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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