I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
