she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
