So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
