So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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