I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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