we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
