So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's never too late to be topless.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
