im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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