Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
