we have officially lost it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
