How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
