the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
