well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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