I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
