How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This baby is an asshole
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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