NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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