i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
operation have a gay friend backfired
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
