You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
