No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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