Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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