there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
