i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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