Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
