D3 body, D1 cock
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
