Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
