Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize