all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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