Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
