If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
