Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
