he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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