ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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