thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
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