3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
