In the future we'll all be gay
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why do cheetos always look like penises
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
