that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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