I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
