just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
