in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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