some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
